http://media-cache-lt0.pinterest.com/upload/170010954652726199_K210QRJY.jpg
http://pinterest.com/pin/183240278560408962/
http://pinterest.com/pin/117867715217168269/
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
More Pinterest Fun!
http://media-cache-lt0.pinterest.com/upload/170010954652726199_K210QRJY.jpg
http://pinterest.com/pin/183240278560408962/
http://pinterest.com/pin/117867715217168269/
AWESOME APRIL FOOL IDEAS!
Got any other ideas?? Send me some!
It's not April Fools day yet, but I still do these.
If you haven't figured out yet:
-the worm is a gummy worm
-the french fries are bread
-the milk is a paper sheet
-the ice cream is mash potatoes and gravy.
-the "donut seeds" are cheerios
-and the cheese is icing
:)
Comes from:
http://blog.thecelebrationshoppe.com/2012/03/26/april-fools-fun/
Monday, December 24, 2012
Funniest jokes of 2012
Funniest jokes of 2012
A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!”The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you …”
The elevator in our building malfunctioned one day, leaving several of us stranded. Seeing a sign that listed two emergency phone numbers, I dialed the first and explained our situation. After what seemed to be a very long silence, the voice on the other end said, “I don’t know what you expect me to do for you; I’m a psychologist.” “A psychologist?” I replied. “Your phone is listed here as an emergency number. Can’t you help us?” “Well,” he finally responded in a measured tone. “How do you feel about being stuck in an elevator?"
While my parents were making their funeral arrangements, the cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like. “You’ll have a beautiful view of the swan pond,” he assured them. Dad wasn’t sold: “Unless you’re including a periscope with my casket, I don’t know how I’m going to enjoy it.”
A man tells his doctor that he’s incapable of doing all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination is over, he says, “Okay, Doctor. In plain English—what’s wrong with me?” “Well, in plain English,” says the doctor, “you’re just lazy.”The man nods. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”
An old farmer is inconsolable after his dog goes missing. His wife suggests he take out an ad in the newspaper, which he does. But two weeks later, there’s still no sign of the mutt.“What did you write in the ad?” his wife asks.“ ‘Here, boy,’ ” he replies.
My friend was working at an amusement park when a couple stopped him. “Excuse me,” said the woman, pointing to a pond. “What is that water made out of?”Bemused, my friend replied, “Two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen.” “See?” she said to her boyfriend. “I told you it wasn’t real.”
Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside.“Yes,” says Sally, “a lock of my husband’s hair.” “But Larry’s still alive.” “I know, but his hair is gone.”
I didn’t enlist in the Army — I was drafted. So I wasn’t going to make life easy for anyone. During my physical, the doctor asked softly, "Can you read the letters on the wall?" "What letters?" I answered slyly. "Good," said the doctor. "You passed the hearing test."
I was diagnosed with antisocial behavior disorder, so I joined a support group. We never meet.
Even though there was a blizzard raging outside, I made it the half-mile to the bakery, where I asked the owner for six rolls.“Your wife must like rolls,” he said.“How do you know these are for my wife?” I asked.“Because your mother wouldn’t send you out in weather like this.”
From:
http://www.rd.com/slideshows/15-top-jokes-of-2011/#slideshow=slide14
A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!”The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you …”
The elevator in our building malfunctioned one day, leaving several of us stranded. Seeing a sign that listed two emergency phone numbers, I dialed the first and explained our situation. After what seemed to be a very long silence, the voice on the other end said, “I don’t know what you expect me to do for you; I’m a psychologist.” “A psychologist?” I replied. “Your phone is listed here as an emergency number. Can’t you help us?” “Well,” he finally responded in a measured tone. “How do you feel about being stuck in an elevator?"
While my parents were making their funeral arrangements, the cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like. “You’ll have a beautiful view of the swan pond,” he assured them. Dad wasn’t sold: “Unless you’re including a periscope with my casket, I don’t know how I’m going to enjoy it.”
A man tells his doctor that he’s incapable of doing all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination is over, he says, “Okay, Doctor. In plain English—what’s wrong with me?” “Well, in plain English,” says the doctor, “you’re just lazy.”The man nods. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”
An old farmer is inconsolable after his dog goes missing. His wife suggests he take out an ad in the newspaper, which he does. But two weeks later, there’s still no sign of the mutt.“What did you write in the ad?” his wife asks.“ ‘Here, boy,’ ” he replies.
My friend was working at an amusement park when a couple stopped him. “Excuse me,” said the woman, pointing to a pond. “What is that water made out of?”Bemused, my friend replied, “Two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen.” “See?” she said to her boyfriend. “I told you it wasn’t real.”
Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside.“Yes,” says Sally, “a lock of my husband’s hair.” “But Larry’s still alive.” “I know, but his hair is gone.”
I didn’t enlist in the Army — I was drafted. So I wasn’t going to make life easy for anyone. During my physical, the doctor asked softly, "Can you read the letters on the wall?" "What letters?" I answered slyly. "Good," said the doctor. "You passed the hearing test."
I was diagnosed with antisocial behavior disorder, so I joined a support group. We never meet.
Even though there was a blizzard raging outside, I made it the half-mile to the bakery, where I asked the owner for six rolls.“Your wife must like rolls,” he said.“How do you know these are for my wife?” I asked.“Because your mother wouldn’t send you out in weather like this.”
From:
http://www.rd.com/slideshows/15-top-jokes-of-2011/#slideshow=slide14
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Zen Sarcasm?
Saw this somewhere..........thought it was funny.
. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
. It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
. Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
. Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield.
. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
. Duct tape is like ‘The Force’. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.
. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
From:
http://laughtodeath.com/
. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
. It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
. Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
. Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield.
. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
. Duct tape is like ‘The Force’. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.
. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
From:
http://laughtodeath.com/
Friday, December 14, 2012
ONE LINER JOKES PT 3!
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
One liner Jokes! Must See!
The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.
I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
If winning isn't everything why do they keep score?
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
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