To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
All from:
http://www.onelinerz.net/top-100-funny-one-liners/2/
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